Women Leaders: Stop Waiting, Lead Now

By Stacey St. John, Certified Stagnation Assassin Consultant | Author of LIVE BIG

The Have-Do-Be Trap

There’s a trap that brilliant women fall into every single day, and most don’t even realize they’re stuck in it.

It looks like this: “When I have the corner office, then I’ll start making bold decisions.” Or, “Once I have the revenue to prove myself, then I’ll do what a real CEO does, and then I’ll finally be the leader I know I can be.”

Sound familiar?

I call this the Have-Do-Be trap, and it is one of the most dangerous patterns I see in women leaders, whether they’re running their own businesses or climbing the corporate ladder. It keeps you stuck on a hamster wheel, waiting for external validation before you give yourself permission to step into the leader you already are.

I know this pattern intimately. Because I lived it.

My Hamster Wheel

For years, I was stuck in what felt like a never-ending loop. My six-figure job, once a source of pride, had become a ball and chain. My alarm blared at 4 a.m. I’d trudge to the kitchen, desperate for coffee before diving into the daily grind. Leading the sales division for a global organization meant my inbox was always overflowing. Clients in every time zone. Requests that never stopped.

After a few hours of early-morning work, I’d shower at 7 a.m., head out the door at 7:45, endure a traffic-clogged 45-minute commute filled with phone calls to colleagues in Europe and Asia. Then I’d be at my desk by 8:30, ready to “officially” start my workday. Eight hours in the office, another traffic-filled drive home, more work before dinner. Then crash into bed, utterly exhausted.

I dreamt about leaving my W-2, but the golden handcuffs dug in deep. I’d started investing in real estate, and new ideas about living off my real estate income sparked excitement, but then the self-doubt monster reared its ugly head.

“You don’t have the funds to buy enough properties to make that happen yet,” it whispered.

I kept telling myself, “You’ll have to just stick it out for a while longer,” even though deep down, I craved more, to spend my days doing something I truly loved, something that made me feel alive and fulfilled.

Every time a new business idea surfaced, that ugly self-doubt monster shut it down faster than I could blink. The fear of failure felt like a suffocating blanket wrapped tightly around me.

Here’s what I didn’t understand then: I was operating in Have-Do-Be mode. I believed I needed to have enough rental income first, then I’d do the work of building a business, and then I’d finally be free. I had the sequence completely backwards.

The Script-Flip That Changed Everything

The transformation started when I stopped waiting for permission and flipped the script to what I now call Commit-Be-Do, or CBD.

Instead of waiting to have success before acting like a successful person, I committed to my desired outcome first. I decided to be the person who builds a thriving business, starting that very day. And then I began to do what that person does.

Every morning at 4 a.m., instead of doing work for my corporate gig, I invested in myself. I devoured books, articles, and podcasts. I experimented with new habits, stacking small wins into a mountain of progress. I started doing daily brain exercises, learning to silence my self-doubt and believe in the person staring back at me in the mirror.

One step at a time, I chipped away at the limitations holding me back. I turned my real estate “side gig” into a revenue-generating machine. In two years, I took $50K and turned it into a $2M real estate portfolio.

On June 30, 2022, I stepped into a new chapter. I was 48 years old, starting a brand-new career, walking away from the comfort of my W-2.

Was it scary? Heck yeah. Did other people think I was crazy? You bet. But I’d never been so darned excited to be afraid and have other people call me nuts.

You see, it didn’t matter what other people thought. I’d learned how to believe in myself. It didn’t matter that I felt scared. I’d learned how to push through fear. It didn’t matter that I was 48 and felt like I was starting over. I had finally learned that life is way too short not to live it fully and enjoy every moment.

Why the Have-Do-Be Trap Is Especially Dangerous for Women Leaders

Here’s what the research confirms about the pattern I lived through, and what I see in women leaders every single day.

Harvard Business Review published a landmark article called “Women Rising: The Unseen Barriers“, where researchers Herminia Ibarra, Robin Ely, and Deborah Kolb found that subtle “second-generation” gender bias disrupts the learning cycle at the heart of becoming a leader. Women must establish credibility in a culture that is deeply conflicted about whether, when, and how they should exercise authority.

In other words, the system itself keeps women in Have-Do-Be mode. It says: “Prove yourself first. Have the credentials, the track record, the permission. Then you can lead.”

The data backs this up. McKinsey’s Women in the Workplace 2024 report, the largest study on women in corporate America conducted in partnership with LeanIn.Org, found that for every 100 men promoted to manager, only 81 women advance. For women of color, the disparity is even more severe. This “broken rung” at the first step up to management means women’s career progression is slowed right out of the gate, and they never get the chance to catch up. At the current pace, the report projects it would take 22 years for white women to achieve leadership parity in the C-suite and more than twice as long for women of color.

If you’re waiting for the institution to give you permission to lead, to have the title before you do leadership work, you could be waiting a very long time.

CBD is the self-directed bypass.

The Invisible Tax: How Second-Generation Bias Reinforces the Have-Do-Be Sequence

To understand why CBD is so necessary, it helps to understand exactly what women are up against. The barriers aren’t always overt discrimination or hostile workplaces. More often, they’re embedded in the very fabric of organizational life in ways that are difficult to identify and even harder to challenge.

Ibarra, Ely, and Kolb’s research describes these obstacles as “second-generation” gender bias, practices that appear neutral on the surface but reflect values and norms historically defined by men who created the organizational setting. Unlike first-generation bias, which involves explicit and intentional discrimination, second-generation bias is subtle, often unconscious, and embedded in organizational structures and cultural norms.

This type of bias shows up in the way job descriptions are worded, in who gets tapped for high-visibility assignments, in the networking patterns that favor men, and in the double bind women face when they assert authority. Women who adopt a collaborative leadership style may not be seen as sufficiently “leader-like,” while those who demonstrate assertiveness may be labeled as aggressive or difficult.

Here’s what this means in practice: the Have-Do-Be sequence isn’t just a personal mindset trap. It’s structurally reinforced. Organizations tell women, implicitly: “First have the proof, then you can do leadership, then you’ll be a leader.” But the proof is harder to accumulate when the system makes it more difficult for women to get promoted, to access stretch assignments, and to receive the same recognition as their male counterparts.

McKinsey’s 2025 Women in the Workplace report reveals that the broken rung persists: only 93 women were promoted to manager-level roles for every 100 men in 2025, and for women of color, the figure drops to just 74. Women remain underrepresented at every level of the corporate pipeline, holding just 29% of C-suite positions, unchanged from the prior year.

This isn’t a pipeline problem. It’s a permission problem. And CBD solves it by removing the need for external permission entirely.

The Confidence Gap and the Permission Paradox

The structural barriers create a psychological cascade that compounds the problem. A landmark KPMG Women’s Leadership Summit Report, which surveyed 750 high-performing executive women across more than 150 leading organizations, found that 75% of female executives have experienced imposter syndrome at certain points in their careers. These weren’t junior employees struggling to find their footing, they were women within one or two career steps of the C-suite.

The study also revealed that 81% of these executive women believe they put more pressure on themselves not to fail than men do, and 74% believe their male counterparts don’t experience the same level of self-doubt.

This is the permission paradox in action. Women who have already achieved remarkable success still feel they need more credentials, more proof, more validation before they can claim their authority. They’re operating in Have-Do-Be even at the highest levels.

The KPMG research found that imposter syndrome can stem from personal, familial, and social experiences, but also from corporate culture and workforce dynamics themselves. When women don’t see people who look like them in leadership positions, when they receive less recognition than male counterparts, and when they face the constant pressure of the double bind, the self-doubt isn’t irrational, it’s a predictable response to an environment that wasn’t designed for them.

But here’s the critical insight: waiting until the imposter feelings subside before stepping into leadership is the Have-Do-Be trap wearing a different mask. CBD doesn’t require you to feel confident first. It requires you to commit to the identity of a confident leader, be that person in your daily decisions and behaviors, and then do what that leader does. The confidence follows the action, not the other way around.

A Cautionary Tale: What Happens When You Build on Have-Do-Be

Let me tell you about Allie, a superstar student in my programs. (I changed her name to protect her privacy.)

Allie’s story is a masterclass in the perils of the Have-Do-Be approach. Fueled by pure passion, she went into hyper-growth mode in her short-term rental business. She snapped up properties, dabbled in rental arbitrage, and managed bookings for other Airbnb hosts.

Impressive, right? Not quite.

Allie unknowingly built her success on an unstable foundation. She neglected to set up a proper legal structure from the get-go. Her financial stability was at risk because she hadn’t created an entity structure that protected her personal assets. Her rental agreements with guests were shaky at best. She was completely dependent on Airbnb for bookings, a single platform that can suspend your listing in an instant. Her co-hosting clients weren’t ideal partners, and she didn’t have proper agreements in place.

Here’s the core of the issue: Allie believed she needed to have a certain level of success first, a thriving portfolio and a roster of clients. Only then, she thought, could she do the work of building a strong foundation and finally be the CEO of a rock-solid business.

By the time we connected, Allie was drowning in the “fixing” stage. She had to scale back her portfolio, let go of clients, and hire expensive lawyers to untangle what should have been set up from day one. She took a major hit in profitability.

Had Allie followed the CBD approach, she would have committed to her desired outcomes from the start. She would have been the person who prioritizes diversified revenue streams and solid legal structures from day one. And she would have done what’s necessary, listing on multiple platforms, building rock-solid entity structures, creating solid agreements.

The result? Less risk. Less stress. Better reviews. Higher income.

The Outsight Principle: Why Action Must Precede Identity (Not the Other Way Around)

My CBD framework aligns with one of the most powerful ideas in modern leadership research. Herminia Ibarra, the Charles Handy Professor of Organisational Behaviour at London Business School and one of the world’s most influential management thinkers, has spent decades studying how leaders develop. Her central insight, articulated in Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader (Harvard Business Review Press), directly challenges the conventional wisdom that you should first reflect on who you are and then act accordingly.

Ibarra calls this the outsight principle: the idea that the only way to think like a leader is to first act like one. By plunging into new projects, interacting with different people, and experimenting with unfamiliar approaches, you gain what she calls “outsight”, the external perspective that transforms how you see yourself and what’s possible.

As Ibarra explains, people become leaders by first acting like leaders. When others see you proposing ideas, making contributions outside your expertise, and connecting people to goals, they confirm your leadership. That social recognition creates the conditions for what psychologists call internalizing a leadership identity, coming to see yourself as a leader and seizing more opportunities to act as one.

This is CBD in academic language. You don’t wait to have a leadership identity before you do leadership work. You commit to leadership, you be the leader through your actions, and you do what leaders do. The identity emerges from the action, not the other way around.

Ibarra’s research shows that too much introspection can actually anchor us in the past, reinforcing old limitations rather than revealing new possibilities. As she writes, “Who you are as a leader is not the starting point on your development journey, but rather the outcome of learning about yourself.” This knowledge can only come about when you do new things and work with new and different people.

For women leaders in particular, this insight is liberating. It means you don’t need to wait until you’ve resolved every self-doubt, earned every credential, or received every promotion before you lead. You start leading, and the leadership identity follows.

The Science of Identity-Based Motivation: Why CBD Is More Than a Mindset Hack

The power of CBD isn’t just anecdotal or philosophical. It’s grounded in a robust body of psychological research.

Daphna Oyserman, a Professor at the University of Southern California who codirects the USC Dornsife Center for Mind and Society, has developed a framework called Identity-Based Motivation that explains precisely why leading with identity (rather than waiting for conditions to align) produces better outcomes.

Oyserman’s research makes three core predictions. First, identities are not fixed, they are dynamically constructed in context. Second, people prefer actions that feel congruent with their currently active identity and resist actions that feel incongruent. Third, when an action feels identity-congruent, difficulty is interpreted as a sign that the task is important and meaningful. But when the same action feels identity-incongruent, difficulty is interpreted as a sign that the behavior is pointless, “not for people like me.”

This explains so much about why the Have-Do-Be trap is so sticky. If your active identity is “corporate employee trying to make a change someday,” then every obstacle on the path to entrepreneurship feels like confirmation that you’re not cut out for it. The difficulty proves the identity doesn’t fit.

But if your active identity is “CEO building a thriving business,” the very same obstacles become evidence of how meaningful and important this work is. The difficulty becomes fuel rather than friction.

CBD works because it changes which identity is active. When you commit to being a leader and be that leader in your daily actions, you shift the interpretive lens through which you process every challenge, setback, and opportunity. This isn’t positive thinking. It’s identity engineering.

The Neuroscience Behind Why CBD Works

Here’s why this isn’t just motivational talk, it’s brain science.

Think of your mind as having two powerful forces. Your conscious mind is like a tiger: logical, analytical, ambitious. It’s the part of you that sets bold goals and charts the strategic path forward. It roars with “I’m ready to create the business I want and the life I deserve!”

But there’s another animal in your mental jungle, a giant. Your subconscious mind is the strongest creature in the land: an elephant. It runs on emotions, habits, and deeply ingrained beliefs. It controls approximately 95% of your behaviors and decisions. And it acts as a filter on your reality, influencing how you see the world and respond to situations, often without you even realizing it.

Your tiger might be consciously planning a bold career move, but your elephant is already making decisions based on past experiences and emotional triggers. The elephant loves routine. It loves efficiency. And it especially loves running on autopilot.

When you try something new, like leading before you have the title, or building systems before you have the revenue, the elephant flags it as a threat. Suddenly, you’re hit with waves of doubt. “Who are you to do this?” “You’re not ready.” “Play it safe.”

This is what researchers call cognitive dissonance, when your conscious mind (tiger) wants progress while your subconscious (elephant) clings to the comfort of routine. And guess who usually wins? The elephant. It’s the strongest animal in the land.

But here’s the exciting part: neuroscience research shows that the brain is remarkably plastic. Researchers at the University of Liège published groundbreaking work in the Journal of Business Venturing Insights demonstrating that entrepreneurial cognition is linked to measurable differences in brain structure and connectivity, and critically, that these neural pathways can be shaped through experience. Their research used neuroimaging to show that habitual entrepreneurs exhibit increased cognitive flexibility, measured both through self-report assessments and through structural brain differences in gray matter volume. The researchers confirmed that entrepreneurial experience drives neural adaptation through the process of neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new connections throughout life.

What that means in plain English: you can retrain your elephant. CBD is the mechanism. When you commit to an identity before you have evidence for it, and you consistently practice the behaviors of that identity, you’re literally building new neural highways in your brain. The more you travel those roads, the wider and stronger they become.

How Neuroplasticity Rewires the Entrepreneurial Brain

Let me take you deeper into the neuroscience, because understanding this transforms CBD from an abstract concept into something you can feel working inside you.

Every single day, your mind fires off tens of thousands of thoughts, and research suggests the vast majority of those are negative, and most are simply repetitions of yesterday’s mental patterns. Your brain has built well-worn neural highways for these habitual thought patterns. Negative thoughts cruise down six-lane freeways. Positive, empowering thoughts sputter along dusty single-lane roads.

But through neuroplasticity, you can redirect that traffic. Research from a comprehensive meta-analysis published in Future Business Journal synthesized findings from numerous studies across business domains and confirmed that understanding neuroplasticity enables organizations and individuals to train themselves to adapt to change efficiently. The researchers found that neuroplasticity offers significant potential for improving leadership skills through continuous learning of new strategies and techniques and adopting a growth mindset.

Here’s how this works with CBD: when you commit to being a CEO and start making decisions like one, you’re laying down new neural pathways. When you be the person who negotiates without apology, you’re strengthening those pathways. When you do what successful leaders do, build networks, make strategic decisions, delegate effectively, those neural roads widen from dirt tracks into highways.

The key is consistency and repetition. Just as a road becomes more established the more traffic it carries, your new leadership neural pathways become stronger every time you use them. And here’s the beautiful part: the old pathways, the ones that carried self-doubt and hesitation, begin to weaken from disuse.

This is exactly what happened to me. When I started doing daily brain exercises and intentionally practicing the behaviors of the person I wanted to become, I didn’t have everything figured out. But I felt different. I knew I was making progress. The frustration, self-doubt, and limiting beliefs that had plagued me began to fade, replaced by a growing sense of control and optimism. I still didn’t have all the answers, but I finally felt empowered to find them.

Limiting Beliefs: The Invisible Ceiling

So why don’t more women operate in CBD mode? Often, it’s a long-standing belief system that needs to be adjusted.

Limiting beliefs are formed during early childhood, when the subconscious mind is highly receptive and impressionable. They can stem from family and upbringing, societal and cultural influences, personal experiences (especially failures), and messages from education and media.

These beliefs operate in the shadows. They might sound like: “I’m not good enough.” “Failure is a sign of weakness.” “I need more experience before I can lead.” “Money is the root of all evil.”

Here’s what makes them truly dangerous: limiting beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies. The concept, first coined by sociologist Robert K. Merton in his 1948 essay in The Antioch Review, describes situations where a false definition of a situation evokes behavior that makes the originally false belief come true. As Merton wrote, the prophecy of collapse led to its own fulfillment, and the same dynamic applies to our beliefs about our own capabilities.

If you believe “I’m not ready to lead,” you’ll hesitate, second-guess, and hold back. Others will perceive you as uncertain. Opportunities will pass you by. And then you’ll say, “See? I’m not ready.” The prophecy fulfills itself.

The Pygmalion Effect, famously demonstrated in the Rosenthal and Jacobson classroom study, proved this dynamic experimentally: when teachers were told (arbitrarily) that certain students would show unusual intellectual growth, those students actually did show significantly greater improvement, not because of innate ability, but because the teachers’ expectations changed their behavior toward those students.

CBD interrupts this cycle by creating positive self-fulfilling prophecies. When you commit to being a leader and start acting like one, people start treating you like one. Opportunities begin to align. Results follow. And the new identity becomes your reality.

The Double Bind: Why Women Need CBD More Than Ever

The urgency of CBD for women leaders becomes even clearer when you understand the specific psychological burden women carry in professional settings.

The KPMG study revealed that the more successful women become, the lonelier it gets, 54% of the executive women surveyed agreed that entering new peer groups at higher levels amplified their isolation. And 32% identified with imposter syndrome specifically because they didn’t know others in a similar position, either personally or professionally.

This isolation creates a vicious cycle. Without role models who look like them in senior positions, women have fewer reference points for what leadership looks like for someone with their identity. This absence reinforces the subconscious message: “Leadership is for people who are different from you.” Which is exactly the kind of identity-incongruent signal that Oyserman’s Identity-Based Motivation research shows causes people to disengage from the behavior entirely.

A 2025 article in Harvard Business Review by Deepa Purushothaman and Colleen Ammerman highlighted that for leaders who don’t match the traditional mental model of a leader, historically white, heterosexual, male, nondisabled, and socioeconomically advantaged, the work of perception management is significantly more demanding. Core aspects of their identity are seen as divergent from or even contrary to the archetypal leader image.

This is why CBD isn’t just helpful for women, it’s essential. The traditional development model says: “First change how people see you, then you can lead.” CBD says: “Start leading, and the perception will follow.” It removes the dependency on a system that was never designed to facilitate women’s advancement in the first place.

The 5-Step Identity Transformation Protocol

Ready to flip the script? Here’s exactly how:

Step 1: Identify the Leader You’re Becoming. Get crystal clear on who you want to be. Not vague (“I want to be successful”), specific. “I am a CEO who leads a team of 20 with clarity and confidence.” “I am a woman who negotiates her salary with zero apology.” Write it down. Pin it to your mirror.

This step aligns with what Ibarra calls redefining your job, shifting from seeing yourself through the lens of your current role to seeing yourself through the lens of the role you’re growing into. It’s the commitment that starts the cycle of outsight.

Step 2: Commit to That Identity Before You Have Evidence. This is the hardest step. Your elephant will scream, “But you don’t have the team yet!” “But you’ve never negotiated like that!” That’s okay. Commitment isn’t about having proof, it’s about making a decision. And the first word we need to remove from your vocabulary? “Try.” There’s a world of difference between trying to do something and committing to do it.

Remember Oyserman’s research: when your active identity shifts, the same obstacles transform from signals of impossibility to signals of importance. Committing to the identity is what activates this interpretive shift.

Step 3: Embody the Daily Behaviors of That Leader. Ask yourself every morning: “What would the leader I’m becoming do today?” Then do those things. Make decisions with a millionaire mindset. Build a network that fuels your success. Structure your time like a well-oiled machine.

This is where the neuroscience becomes practical. Every time you act in alignment with your new identity, you’re strengthening the neural pathways that support it. You’re literally rewiring your brain, one decision at a time.

Step 4: Remove “Try” from Your Vocabulary. Let’s get one thing straight, commitment isn’t just a mindset; it’s a roadmap. It keeps you focused, provides direction, and fuels your motivation. Even when the going gets tough, commitment ensures you’re ready to put in the time, sweat, and resources to get to your endgame.

Step 5: Use the “I Am Done With That” Technique. This is a powerful strategy I learned from John Assaraf, known as “The Brain Whisperer.” Once you’ve identified a limiting belief or a negative thought, declare out loud: “I am done with that!” Say it with conviction. Picture yourself stuffing that inner critic back in its cage and slamming the door.

This technique works because it creates a decisive neural event, a moment of conscious interruption that weakens the old pathway and redirects energy toward the new one. The more forcefully and consistently you interrupt limiting thought patterns, the faster the old neural highways deteriorate from disuse.

Building Your Inner Circle: The Multiplier Effect of CBD

CBD doesn’t happen in isolation. The people you surround yourself with either accelerate or sabotage your identity transformation.

Jim Rohn’s famous insight, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”, isn’t just motivational wisdom. It reflects the neurological reality that our brains are constantly calibrating to our social environment. When you surround yourself with people who embody the identity you’re building toward, your brain receives constant reinforcement that this identity is achievable and normal.

The KPMG research confirmed this: 47% of executive women said having a supportive performance manager helped combat imposter syndrome, and 72% turned to mentors and trusted advisors when experiencing self-doubt. The women who sustained their confidence weren’t necessarily more talented or more qualified, they had built networks that reinforced their leadership identity.

This is why I’m such a passionate advocate for mentorship, mastermind programs, and intentional community building. Your inner circle should be cheerleaders, not energy vampires. Positivity is like a contagious superpower, but negativity is more of a buzzkill. When your inner circle is filled with women who are also practicing CBD, who are committed to their own identity transformation, the collective momentum is extraordinary.

Think of your support system as a life cocktail, a blend of friends, family, mentors, and peers, each adding their own unique flavor to your journey. The foundation of this mix? People who believe in your vision before you have the evidence to prove it.

From Theory to Transformation: CBD in Practice

Let me show you what CBD looks like across different contexts, because this framework isn’t limited to entrepreneurship. It applies everywhere.

In your career: Instead of waiting to have the senior title before doing strategic work, commit to contributing strategically today. Propose ideas that extend beyond your current scope. Volunteer for cross-functional projects. Lead meetings differently. When others see you operating at the next level, they begin to treat you accordingly, which creates the conditions for the promotion to follow.

In your business: Instead of waiting to have a million dollars in revenue before doing the work of systematizing operations, commit to building infrastructure from day one. Be the CEO of a million-dollar company in how you make decisions, manage time, and build your team. Do what that CEO does, delegate, systematize, strategize. The revenue follows the structure, not the other way around.

In your personal development: Instead of waiting to have confidence before doing the scary thing, commit to being a courageous person. Be someone who takes calculated risks, even when your palms are sweaty. Do what brave people do. Public speaking, pitching, negotiating, launching. The confidence grows from the accumulation of evidence that you can handle it.

In your health and wellbeing: Instead of waiting to have the motivation to exercise before doing the workout, commit to being a person who prioritizes their health. Be someone who moves their body daily. Do what that person does, schedule the workout, show up, give it your best. The motivation follows the momentum.

Overcoming the Resistance: What to Do When Your Elephant Pushes Back

Let’s be honest: your elephant won’t go quietly. When you start practicing CBD, you’ll encounter resistance, sometimes intense resistance. Here’s what to expect and how to handle it.

The first week will feel inauthentic. You’ll feel like you’re pretending. That’s normal and actually a sign that change is happening. Ibarra’s research explicitly addresses this: she encourages leaders to become more “playful” with their self-concept, to experiment with what she calls “possible selves” rather than clinging to a fixed identity. Feeling inauthentic is a feature of growth, not a bug.

The inner critic will get louder before it gets quieter. When you start threatening the elephant’s comfortable routine, it deploys its most powerful weapon: the inner critic. In my LIVE BIG framework, I call this character “Grumpy Greg”, a gorilla sitting in a cage on your right shoulder. When the elephant is running the show, it tends to leave Grumpy Greg’s cage door wide open. The key is to notice when those negative thoughts arise, visualize stuffing Grumpy Greg back in his cage, and declare with conviction: “I am done with that!”

You’ll want to retreat to your comfort zone. The fear zone sits right outside your comfort zone, and it’s where that little voice whispers, “I’m not cut out for this. This is just too much work.” But here’s the truth about that temptation: it’s actually a sign that you’re on the path to growth. By leaning into the discomfort and embracing those fears, you’ll soon step into the learning zone, and eventually into what I call the “BIG Zone,” where you’re consistently operating at full potential.

Practice makes progress, not perfection. Josh Kaufman, author of The Personal MBA, offers an encouraging perspective: you can go from novice to competent in just 20 hours of focused effort, roughly 45 minutes a day for a month. The gap between knowledge and action is vast, but every day of practice closes it. Just as parallel parking becomes second nature after countless attempts, acting like a leader becomes your new default through consistent repetition.

The Ripple Effect: Why Your Transformation Matters Beyond You

When you practice CBD, you don’t just transform yourself. You transform the landscape for every woman who comes after you.

Remember the KPMG finding that 32% of women experienced imposter syndrome because they didn’t see others in similar positions? Every time you step into a leadership role before you feel “ready,” you become a visible reference point for other women. You become proof that it’s possible. You become the role model that the research shows is so critical for breaking the cycle of self-doubt.

This is what Ibarra and her colleagues’ research calls for: not just individual change, but the creation of “identity workspaces” that support women’s transitions to bigger roles. When you lead with CBD, you create that identity workspace for others simply by existing as a leader who didn’t wait for permission.

McKinsey’s research shows that organizations with more women in leadership are more likely to prioritize women’s advancement, creating a virtuous cycle. But that cycle needs someone to start it. It needs women who are willing to commit to leadership before the organization tells them they’re ready.

That someone is you.

Your Identity Drives Your Actions, Not the Other Way Around

Whether you’re reading this at age 28, 48, or 68, you deserve to have everything you dream of, and it’s never too late for a reset.

I want you to know that the key to unlocking your extraordinary potential already lies within you. Maybe you’re trapped in the daily grind, a hamster wheel of monotony. Or perhaps a brilliant business idea is simmering on the back burner, waiting for its moment to shine. It could be that you’ve already built something incredible but find yourself drained and yearning for more.

I understand. Because I’ve been there too.

But here’s the secret: that leader you suspect is buried somewhere inside? She’s not a figment of your imagination. She’s real and waiting to break free.

Stop waiting to have the title, the revenue, the recognition, or the permission.

Commit to the leader you’re becoming. Be her starting today. Do what she does.

The world isn’t going to hand you your dream life. But when you flip the script from Have-Do-Be to Commit-Be-Do, you become the architect of your success story, not a character reacting to circumstances.

It’s time. Commit. Be. Do.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the Have-Do-Be trap in leadership?

The Have-Do-Be trap is a mindset pattern where people believe they need to HAVE something first (a title, revenue, credentials), then DO the work of leadership, and only then BE a leader. This sequence keeps people stuck waiting for external validation before stepping into their leadership identity. For women, this trap is structurally reinforced by second-generation gender bias in organizations.

What is the Commit-Be-Do (CBD) framework?

Commit-Be-Do (CBD) is a framework created by Stacey St. John that flips the Have-Do-Be sequence. Instead of waiting for conditions to align, you first COMMIT to your desired outcome, then BE the person who achieves that outcome in your daily behaviors, then DO what that person does. It is supported by research in identity-based motivation, neuroplasticity, and organizational behavior.

Why do women leaders experience imposter syndrome more than men?

According to KPMG research, 75% of female executives have experienced imposter syndrome. This stems from second-generation gender bias, lack of visible role models in leadership, the double bind women face when exercising authority, and corporate cultures that weren’t designed for women’s advancement. The structural barriers create a psychological cascade that compounds self-doubt.

How does neuroplasticity support leadership development?

Neuroplasticity allows the brain to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. When you consistently practice leadership behaviors aligned with your new identity, you build and strengthen new neural pathways. Research published in the Journal of Business Venturing Insights confirmed that entrepreneurial experience drives neural adaptation, meaning you can literally rewire your brain for leadership through consistent action.

What is the outsight principle in leadership?

The outsight principle, developed by Herminia Ibarra of London Business School, states that the only way to think like a leader is to first act like one. By engaging in new projects, interacting with different people, and experimenting with unfamiliar approaches, you gain external perspective that transforms how you see yourself and what’s possible. This aligns directly with the Commit-Be-Do framework.

What is second-generation gender bias?

Second-generation gender bias refers to practices that appear neutral on the surface but reflect values and norms historically defined by men who created organizational settings. Unlike overt discrimination, it is subtle, often unconscious, and embedded in organizational structures. It shows up in job descriptions, high-visibility assignment allocation, networking patterns, and the double bind women face when asserting authority.

What are the 5 steps in the Identity Transformation Protocol?

The 5-Step Identity Transformation Protocol includes: (1) Identify the Leader You’re Becoming — get specific about who you want to be; (2) Commit to That Identity Before You Have Evidence; (3) Embody the Daily Behaviors of That Leader; (4) Remove “Try” from Your Vocabulary — commit fully rather than tentatively; (5) Use the “I Am Done With That” Technique to interrupt limiting beliefs with conviction.

Sources Referenced

Ibarra, H., Ely, R., & Kolb, D. (2013). “Women Rising: The Unseen Barriers.” Harvard Business Review, September 2013. https://hbr.org/2013/09/women-rising-the-unseen-barriers

McKinsey & Company and LeanIn.Org. (2024). “Women in the Workplace 2024: The 10th-Anniversary Report.” https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/diversity-and-inclusion/women-in-the-workplace-2024

McKinsey & Company and LeanIn.Org. (2025). “Women in the Workplace 2025.” https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/diversity-and-inclusion/women-in-the-workplace

KPMG LLP. (2020). “Advancing the Future of Women in Business: A KPMG Women’s Leadership Summit Report.” https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/kpmg-study-finds-75-of-female-executives-across-industries-have-experienced-imposter-syndrome-in-their-careers-301148023.html

Ibarra, H. (2015, revised 2023). Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader. Harvard Business Review Press. https://store.hbr.org/product/act-like-a-leader-think-like-a-leader-updated-edition-of-the-global-bestseller-with-a-new-preface/10658

Oyserman, D. (2015). “Identity-Based Motivation.” Published via National Institutes of Health / PubMed Central. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3079278/

Ooms, F., Annen, J., Panda, R., et al. (2024). “Entrepreneurial Neuroanatomy: Exploring Gray Matter Volume in Habitual Entrepreneurs.” Journal of Business Venturing Insights, Vol. 22. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2352673424000325

Khaneja, S. & Arora, T. (2024). “The Potential of Neuroscience in Transforming Business: A Meta-Analysis.” Future Business Journal, 10, 77. https://fbj.springeropen.com/articles/10.1186/s43093-024-00369-7

Merton, R. K. (1948). “The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.” The Antioch Review, Vol. 8, No. 2, pp. 193–210. Referenced via Lapham’s Quarterly.

Purushothaman, D. & Ammerman, C. (2025). “How Women in Leadership Can Shape How Others See Them.” Harvard Business Review, May 2025. https://hbr.org/2025/05/how-women-in-leadership-can-shape-how-others-see-them